THE EVIL STEPMOTHER IS DEAD. Her dastardly sidekicks are gone too. Good prevails over evil! Hope conquers despair. The righteous reign supreme! CINDERELLA SHALL GO TO THE BALL!
That’s right, I came home from work and cooked up a prawn and vegetable stir fry, with tamarind, coriander, fish sauce and chilli. The prawns were wild caught in Byron Bay – it was epic. I’m a total food w@nker. I’ve accepted it. And then I turned on the Bachelor for this week’s second instalment. It did not disappoint. I mean, it was still utter garbage. I drifted in and out of being mildly engaged and not at all, but the outcome did leave me with a rather lovely, gooey feeling inside. Just like those prawns. Mmmmmm.
After some of the girls do some frolicking in the pool in revealing swimsuits, the really tall girl defies her high centre of gravity and wins a date by not falling over in a zorb, in the pool. She’s quite full on, but seems like a good sort. Nick appears to appreciate her ‘decentness’ and rewards her with a tentative snog. And a rose. Go tall girl.
In yesterday’s post I described the cuddly Nick as a hero; I was being somewhat ironic. The term ‘hero’ gets bandied about willy nilly, which has diluted its meaning, which is a shame, because in this instance it’s right on. Towards the end of the episode, young Nicholas takes the slightly spaced out Tenille off for a ‘chat’, and proceeds to covertly coerce her into grassing up the ‘bad eggs’ in the house.
I thought the manner in which Nick dealt with this was bloody marvellous. He sniffed them out like a pig in a truffle field. So that the genteel Tenille didn’t have to actually say:
“Cat and Romy are total C**TS, kick them out please, Nick?”
…instead he asks her to indicate who were the problem children were using various artefacts and trinkets conveniently placed on the coffee table in front of them. Tenille obliges like shes moving pieces on a chess board. The viewership sense the evil triumvirate’s days are numbered.
Nick, like the dashing knight in shining armour that he is, immediately goes to task – he bowls over to queen big mouth (literally), Cat, and takes her aside for another “chat”. Cat, having spent the entire episode moaning about how Nick hasn’t shown her enough attention, is positively beaming as they walk off. She thinks she’s about to find herself another window to have a stab at laying the smack down on Nick’s hairy lips. Having been totes awkwardly rejected last time around.
Earlier, Cat told her partners in crime, Fashionista Romy, and the other one with the nose, that she was going to give Nick an ultimatum if he doesn’t start realising how great she is. Seems fair, she left Bali, and her fashion business, after all, just for him, so he absolutely has to do what she wants. Firstly he should stop spending so much time with the utterly delightful Brooke (if Nick doesn’t pick her – I’m next in line, SHOTGUN!), and take Cat on more dates. Presumably so he can work his neck muscles out some more…. The poor lamb, little does she realise she’s headed for the slaughter.
The right thing happens, Cat is booted from the show with no opportunity to say goodbye to her
friends allies, or to waft her toxic fumes in the house. She cries her crocodile tears. Insists she has a ‘heart of gold’. To no avail. The car picks her up and off she goes, never to be seen again, unless you buy some cheap jewellery from her in Bali, presumably. Given how bad my guts were after my recent trip to Bali (link here) I can’t see myself heading back any time soon. SO LONG KITTY CAT.
Nick eliminates the one with the nose and someone very unmemorable. Romy is offered salvation, but chooses to fall on her sword and f**k off on her own terms, presumably sensing the potential public backlash and forever lasting damage to her image. Might be a problem that, Romy, working as you do, in an industry which is all about image. LOL. Who am I kidding? She’ll probably get a promotion.
This is likely to be my last bachelor write-up. Unless you scream for more. I kinda sense from the way Nick’s hands were shaking on the drawing date with Brooke last night that he is proper smitten (just like the rest of us) and the game is over. It’s also got nothing to do with the theme of the blog, but it has been fun. I think my next post will be about why I’ll never be a vegan.
Footnote: Did you know you can subscribe to the blog to have it delivered to your email? Well you can! Navigate to the homepage – link here – scroll to the bottom, enter your email and you’ll get no spam, just a tidy little notification from WordPress when a new piece is available to read. I’d absolutely love it if you did this.